Diary of a nine-week old puppy's first week with the Newsteads!
Day 1 - Monday 6th Feb
Arrived at my new home. Mum and Dad seem nice and the place looks great with plenty of toys and a comfortable looking basket.
No one told me they had another dog. He’s a strange one I can tell you – quite skinny with whiskers and pointy ears, and an impressive ability to jump onto kitchen units. I’m not one to judge, but this guy seems a bit up himself. Walked past me like he owns the place, nose in the air, totally blanked me.
Tuesday 7th Feb
The other dog seemed surprised that I was still here this morning. I gave him my scariest bark, which clearly shocked him. Wasn’t expecting to hear such a pathetic bark in return. More of a squeak! What a plonker.
Today I had a wee on the puppy training mat. Then needed to do a poopy, so curled one out on the carpet. I can’t recall whether Mum was happier about the location of the wee or the poo, so I might try them the other way round tomorrow.
Wednesday 8th Feb
Starting to think the other dog might be a cat. Decided to say hello – went straight in for a sniff and got a smack on the head for my trouble. Mum shouted ‘Toby!’ which is definitely a cat’s name, so that confirms it.
Discovered in my toy box a cuddly Mr Fox which is about half as big as me. Inadvertently thrusted Mr Fox, and boy did that feel good. Mum told Dad I’d been shagging Mr Fox, and they both thought that was amusing. Shagged Mr Fox some more and then it was sleepy time.
Thursday 9th Feb
Discovered that my brother, Toby, who is definitely a cat, is an extremely messy eater. He likes to spread his food around the floor presumably so he can have an extra snack later on. Only he can’t now because I’m a little hairy hoover. Yum!
Mum is training me with a lead. I’m not happy about this and am certain this kind of unnecessary restraint is a clear breach of my canine rights.
Went to the vets for a check up. Initially thought the lady vet was very nice, and Dad seemed to like her too. She put some liver flavoured paste on the table and I stuck my head right in it. But then the vet woman plonked a needle into me. Owww! What with this and the lead training business with Mum, it’s not been the best of days. Someone get me Judge Rinder’s mobile number!
Friday 10th Feb
Today I will met some more of my new family. Tom and Beth came over in the evening, and I was really excited to meet them coz Mum said Tom is my brother. In the morning Mum took me to see Nanny and Granddad. They loved me – well, who wouldn’t, I’m adorable. I livened up their dull plain cream carpet with some toys – Mr Fox, some chewy rope and my plastic fish and then I further accessorised with some poo and a splash of wee. Pensioners these days are so ungrateful.
Tom and Beth arrived this evening and I’m confused because my brother Tom is definitely not a dog and he’s not a cat like my other brother, Toby. He's the same type of animal as Mum & Dad and he smells like he may have once lived here, which is weird. Gave him a seriously good sniff.
Before bed time Mum explained that tomorrow is the weekend, and that means we get up at 8am.
Saturday 11th Feb
Up and jumping about at 6.30am. Where’s Mum and Dad? I’ll make some noise and I bet they’ll turn up in no time. Yep, here they are!
Mum says I smell of dog. Helloooo, I’m a dog, what exactly were you expecting? Unfortunately Mum and Beth (she stayed over last night with my bro, Tom) decided I should have a bath. In the sink! With Dad taking photos! Could this possibly get any worse? Well yes actually. I look ridiculous on the photos, like a drowned rat with enormous plums, which are actually the tips of Beth’s fingers! Dad better not put that snap on Facebook.
Saturday afternoon, and where do I even begin… It’s not Mum – she’s fine. It’s Dad. Thinks he’s some sort of David Bailey. Today we’ve had studio lights set up in the lounge, white backdrop, me and Mr Fox in my toy box. Really? What’s wrong with your iPhone, man? I could understand it if it was me and Mr Fox on a sun drenched beach in the Bahamas, but all this fuss for a couple of snaps in the lounge is just too much.
